Lindsay Lohan just hired a new lawyer, Chicago's Stuart V. Goldberg. Good move, Lilo! Jew lawyers are the best! After all, Marcia Clark was a Jew. Oh wait, she lost the whole O.J. thing though, didn't she? Oy vey! Well, Elena Kagan is a Jew, and she could go on to the Supreme Court!
Oh, wait! This just in!...
Upon further inspection, it turns out that Stuart V. Golderg is not actually a Jew; it appears that he is instead an Oompa Loompa!
Seriously, what's up with this guy? How many fucking carrots does someone have to eat a day to be that orange? Lindsay is going to be defended by a walking Cheet-O!?!
But it's just like the song goes:
"Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
Judge Marsha N. Revel is pissed off at you.
Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
The one thing that can save you is an orange Jew."
Oh, wait! This just in!...
Upon further inspection, it turns out that Stuart V. Golderg is not actually a Jew; it appears that he is instead an Oompa Loompa!
Seriously, what's up with this guy? How many fucking carrots does someone have to eat a day to be that orange? Lindsay is going to be defended by a walking Cheet-O!?!
But it's just like the song goes:
"Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
Judge Marsha N. Revel is pissed off at you.
Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
The one thing that can save you is an orange Jew."
That verse is actually only available on the extended DVD version of "Willy Wonka," fyi.
Perhaps he is a Jewmpa Loompa.
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