Monday, July 26, 2010
The Other Inmates Just Can't Stop Talking About Lilo's Crotch!
You know, I got up this morning and turned it to CNN. I heard all about the captured sailor in Afghanistan and the resigning CEO of BP... both very important current events... but my mind kept wandering to, "I wonder how my little Lilo's doing this morning."
Well... I've never been one to gossip... but...
It seems that little Lilo has had a rough few days. The other inmates kept yelling, "Firecrotch!" over and over and over again until Lindsay had what sources can only describe as a minor breakdown. She apparently had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling until she was eventually put in isolation. I guess the tantrum was so bad that a medical examiner was called in to examine self-inflicted scratches all up and down her arms.
All this because they you called "Firecrotch"!?! Shiiiiiiit... I was called worse than that on my way home from work this morning. Let's see. I was called "asshole, jack-off, dickhead, shit-for-brains, a fucking lunatic"... You know, maybe my driver's ed teacher was right. Maybe, I should look before changing lanes. Oh, well...
Oh, Lindsay, hang in there. You only have a few more days. Just keep in mind those poignant lessons you learned from the filming of "Mean Girls." Come the end of the week, you'll never have to face that cell block of Regina Georges ever again!