Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Glenn Beck Whacks Off Too Much!

My mother always told me, "You'll go blind from doing that too much!" So, naturally I put away my penis and continued with the Sunday School lesson.

Glenn Beck obviously did not follow suit.

On Saturday, he confessed to 6,000 of his fans during his American Revival Tour that he very well may be blind by the end of the year. He has been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, a rare genetic condition, which causes vision loss and tends to get worse with time.

Is Karma spelled with a "K" or a "C"? I may need it for my next paragraph.

During his announcement, Beck's deteriorating eyes welled with tears and his voice quivered as he said, "Lord if you need my eyes, they're yours!" I literally spit orange juice on my computer screen when I read this! Don't judge me! I never claimed to be a good person!

Ooooh, this macular dystrophy sounds expensive! Wonder how the fucker feels about health care reform now? And do they make blind accessible chalkboards?

Hey, Beck, try to cut back on jerking your pole to that fitness magazine featuring Sarah Palin in her scivvies, and your retinas might hold out a few more years. Just some friendly advice from a godless, liberal lunatic!

It appears that the universe is settling some scores. Now, I expect to hear that Rush Limbaugh is crippled from a combination of ringworm and lupus over the next few days.

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