Saturday, July 10, 2010

Oy Vey! Lindsay hired a Jew! At least, I think that's a Jew...

Lindsay Lohan just hired a new lawyer, Chicago's Stuart V. Goldberg. Good move, Lilo! Jew lawyers are the best! After all, Marcia Clark was a Jew. Oh wait, she lost the whole O.J. thing though, didn't she? Oy vey! Well, Elena Kagan is a Jew, and she could go on to the Supreme Court!

Oh, wait! This just in!...

Upon further inspection, it turns out that Stuart V. Golderg is not actually a Jew; it appears that he is instead an Oompa Loompa!

Seriously, what's up with this guy? How many fucking carrots does someone have to eat a day to be that orange? Lindsay is going to be defended by a walking Cheet-O!?!

But it's just like the song goes:

"Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
Judge Marsha N. Revel is pissed off at you.
Oompa Loopa, Do-ba-da-dee doo.
The one thing that can save you is an orange Jew."
That verse is actually only available on the extended DVD version of "Willy Wonka," fyi.

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