Oksana Could Learn A Thing Or Two From Florence Jean Castleberry!!!

What would Flo tell Mel if he yelled that her boobies were big? Or if he felt she was too friendly with a gardner? Or if he wanted a blowjob in the hot tub?

Oksana, always look to classic 1970s television as your guide.

Worst Phone Conversationalist Of The Year Is Fleeing Down Under!

America's sweetheart, Mel Gibson recently sold his New York mansion for millions less than its market value earlier this month; and he has been reported to have put his Malibu home on the market earlier this week. Upon the advice of his ex-wife, Robyn, he is leaving the U.S. and moving back to his boyhood home of Sydney, Australia.

What!?! Braveheart is leaving the U.S. of A.!?! I don’t think I want to live in a country without ol’ Sugartits!

So, he got drunk, said a few racist things, demanded a blow job and punched a baby… (allegedly)… Who the hell hasn’t? I do worse than that on my Monday afternoon benders at the Ladies’ Auxiliary BINGO Luncheon!

Say what you will, but that big-tittied Russian is one crafty bitch! How in the heck did we ever win The Cold War against these people? She forced Mad Max… Mad Freakin’ Max… out of the country with nothing more than a cell phone! She saved those messages for months before leaking them to the press! Hell, I can’t even figure out how to change my outgoing message! But that woman… that woman is shifty!

Mel, Mel, Mel… How I will miss your antics! To think, you will spend your days punching wallabies and verbally abusing koalas, and no one will be there to get it on tape. What a waste of good material! I just hope you have cell phone reception there in the Outback!

Keep in touch.

Mel Gibson Punches Babies!!!

It's been reported by... oh, I don't fucking know.... I read it somewhere online, and that's good enough for me... It's been reported by "reliable sources" that Oksana Blah,blah,blah has photos of daughter, Lucia, with a noticeable bruise on her chin due to one of Mel's tantrums. She claims a verbal and physical altercation took place as she was holding the baby. She plans to use the photo in court to refute Mel's rights to a joint custody.

I have so much to say about this that I'm shaking like a Parkinson's victim... Sorry, MJ Fox...

First, punching babies is fucking awesome! Oh, oh, oh, just listen to you Judgey Judy!!! Go to Walmart on a Saturday afternoon! If you walk out of there and you don't want to punch at least one baby, perhaps, this is not the blog for you.

Second, this is simply a result of Oksana being nothing more than a big-tittied, frigid bitch! Mel just wanted a blowjob! He paid for the collagen in those lips; he should get to use them!

Third, who in the hell uses their baby as a defense shield? What!?! Oksana tells Braveheart that yes, yes, she does indeed like Barbra Streisand's new album, and THEN, decides to pick up the baby? C'mon, Oksana! He played Mad Max, for Christ's sake; he can totally punch you right through that baby!

Fourth, has anyone else noticed that famous directors don't always make the best babysitters? First, Roman Polanski... Now, Mel Gibson...

Fifth, how did the daughter of such a racist bastard get such a Spic name? Lucia? Really? Why didn't you just name her Consuela or Juanita or Chimichanga?

Sixth, Why don't these two have a reality show? This is so much more entertaining than any one of those stupid Kardashian sisters!... even the fat one!

Ok, ok... I've provided my snarky, slightly amusing commentary, but now, let's seriously take a moment to review the consequences of this situation. A 9-month-old baby has been injured. That's never ok. I just want to take this opportunity to pass on a personal, encouraging message to Baby Gibson: "Hey... Chin up, Lucia!"

Seriously? The New Jersey Housewives fight less!

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Mel Gibson won't be sharing his "View" with us anytime soon!

Ever since the release of the controversial recordings, Mel Gibson has been attempting to win back America's love. He's trying to get himself booked on any talk show that will have him in order to explain his side of the story. Yeah, good luck with that, Braveheart!

Joy Behar, host of "The Joy Behar Show" and co-host of "The View," told The Insider that, in spite of Whoopi Goldberg's "he's not really 'racist' racist" defense, Mel Gibson will not be welcomed to join the ladies on the couch anytime soon. She explains that Barbwa is a card-carrying Jew and is extremely offended by his remarks. She refuses to let him use her show to rebuild his reputation.

Joy also went on to say that she was surprised by Whoopi's defense of Mel. "But that's her position, and that's why it's called The View."

I wonder if he'll be appearing on "The Joy Behar Show"?

I've already advised Mel on the situation. I told him, "Mel"... I call him Mel... "Mel, all you have to do is get on TV and cry to a Michael Jackson song. Yeah, take the Chris Brown approach. You'll probably even be nominated for a BET Award. You just might want to avoid the 'N' word during your acceptance speech."

Really? These two AGAIN!?!

America's sweetheart, Mel Gibson, is back in the news again today. It seems that he and his lawyers are trying to convince the judge in their custody battle to hold Oksana Blah,blah,blah in contempt for releasing audio recordings to the press. Oksana claims that she didn't release the tapes and she has no idea how RadarOnline.com got hold of them.

Those Ruskies are tricky! Just give it up, Mel. You're never going to win this one. Those Russian spies in Jersey were here for over 30 years before anyone noticed or cared... C'mon, it's Jersey. Let the goddamn Russians have it. And haven't you ever seen an episode of "Rocky & Bullwinkle"? That Boris and Natasha... sneaky... really, really sneaky.

And let's break down what we heard on those recordings, shall we?

Mel Gibson doesn't like Jews, Mexicans, African-Americans and women with fake boobs. So, basically what we've learned is that Mel Gibson hates everyone in L.A.!

I can respect hating minorities. Who doesn't? But fake boobies? What a fuckin' sicko!

Haha! Mel Gibson is really freakin' funny! Part deux.

Seriously, I love this guy! He is truly the gift that keeps giving. He's racist, he's drunk. He sounds like someone I would bump into at my own family reunion!

Two days after the Radar.com story broke concerning Mel Gibson's racist, violent recordings, Mad Max's attorney denied the allegations or even the existence of the tape. He responded by saying, "I have no comment on, and furthermore no knowledge of, the credibility or authenticity of any alleged audio tapes."

Well, well, well. "Ask and ye shall receive." (I learned that little tidbit from a little snuff film called, "Passion of the Christ.") This sound bite has been circulating internet gossip sites all afternoon. Have a listen!

http://www.redlasso.com/ClipPlayer.aspx?id=d135898c-f6f7-4bbb-b5d4-4bc6c46565fb

UPDATE: Talent agency, William Morris, just dropped Mel Gibson due to leaked audio recordings. Fuckin' Jews!

Mel Gibson is funnier than I thought!

Earlier today, Radar.com released an exclusive audio recording of an argument between Mel Gibson and baby mama, Oksana, in which he can be heard yelling, “You’re an embarrassment to me! You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.” Then, a recording of a voicemail surfaced in which he yelled, "I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first." AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my God! Now, that’s funny! I think just fell in love with him all over again! C’mon! Call her a fake-tittied ruskie now!!! Or a cum-dunking Commie!!! Of course, she could always fire back by simply quoting lines from “Lethal Weapon 3” or “Bird on a Wire.” Oh Mel, that pansy, Charlie Sheen, has got nothing on you! I’m glad to see that you’re back in the news! Keep ‘em coming!


Awww, don't you worry, Mel. You just need to put on a snazzy glove, fake-cry to a Michael Jackson song and we'll totally forgive you for knocking her teeth out! Heck, you might even win a BET Award! Just try to cut back on the N word between now and then, ok?