Who in the hell wants to smell like Bruce Willis!?!

Much to everyone's surprise (including Demi Moore),the new Bruce Willis fragrance was released yesterday. A Coo representative described it as "the manliest scent in the world." So, it smells like Fritos and farts?

I like Bruce Willis. Seriously, I'm probably the only gay man in the world that would skip an episode of "Grey's Anatomy" to watch "Die Hard"... yeah, any of them... even the 2nd one. But Bruce is old, and old people stink. This is not a smart move on the part of the Coo marketing team.

Looks like Lindsay Lohan isn't the only celebritard going to jail!

George Michael, "Faith" artist and confirmed cocksucker, was arrested after he slammed his Range Rover into the front of a London store on Sunday morning. He was not given a breathalyzer at the scene but was taken back to the station where he was arrested for being unfit to drive.

Now, I realize he has a history of this sort of thing... 2007, he was arrested for DUI and again, last year... but this was the front of a building!!! You can't even tell me that roadhead wasn't somehow involved!

Wow, George! You've come a long way since the days of "Wake me up before you go-go." Wonder what Andrew Ridgeley is up to?

Prince now wants to be known as: the artist who formerly wore underwear!

Didn't your mother ever teach you to wear clean underwear!?! What if you had been in an accident!?! (you know... like George Michael.)

For penis' sake, I can clearly see whether or not you've been circumsized!

Uuummm... Well, I almost felt sorry for the crackwhore!

Then, I saw a close-up of her nails. What do you think? Photoshopped by the tabloids? Or is she really that damn stupid to go into court flashing fingernails that clearly read, "Fuck you!" Though, I can't lie... If this photo is real, it makes me respect her a little more.

Awww.... I almost feel sorry for the little crackwhore!

SCRAM, Lilo, SCRAM! (part deux)

Uh Oh, someone call Regina George! It looks like we have another entry for The Burn Book! Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to 90 days in jail followed by 90 days to an in-patient rehabilitation center. I know, I know... I shouldn't be this fascinated by something this goddamn stupid, but I am! I somehow feel grounded by celebrities who are more of a hot mess than I. I only wish she would have been sentenced to community service. That way maybe... maybe, we, as the American public, could have finally gotten that long-awaited sequel to "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen."

Wuh oh! Lilo in the arms of the law!!!

It's not looking good for Lilo today! She's been accused of violating her Alcohol Ed. Classes on 9 different occasions! Witnesses from The Right On Center referred to her as "disrespectful and filled with excuses." The Judge has refused to hear from Michael Lohan and has asked him to leave. I wonder how Danny DeVito's day of jury duty is going?