Is The Biebs The New Lindsay Lohan???

Over the course of just a few days, this photo of Justin Bieber has been featured on more gossip blogs than Britney Spears' twat!

The headlines have been reading: "Is Justin Smoking Pot?, Has The Biebs Turned To Weed?, Has Bieber Gone To Pot?"

Uuummm... First of all, amateurs, that is not a bowl. That is a crack pipe. So, no, the Biebs has not taken up horticulture as a hobby.

And I can not tell a lie. My heart swelled with glee at first sight of this picture. I would like nothing more than to report to you that Justin Bieber is now a big crack whore. But it is simply not so, gloryhole readers. :( That's the first emoticon I've ever used in my entire life, btw. I think their use should be limited to 12-year-old girls and the mentally disabled; but I felt the disappointment of the Biebs not becoming a crack whore called for a frowny face.

Anyway...

Justin Bieber was photographed while he was filming an episode of CSI. He plays a high school drop-out turned drug addict. Then... I don't know... he probably gets raped or kills a hooker or something... Isn't that what happens on every episode of CSI? I just hope his hair doesn't get pushed back away from his forehead. Now, that really would be a crime!

His appearance on CSI also explains this leaked photo of the Biebs in invisible handcuffs from last week.



Invisible handcuffs!?! Who in the fuck arrested him!?! Wonder Woman?

I'm calling off from work today! I've come down with a terrible case of Bieber Fever! (and it itches worse than crabs!)

That little shit, Bieber, is everywhere! As of today, Justin Bieber's "Baby," his duet with Luda, is the most watched video in YouTube history.

He has surpassed Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance," the former record holder, and even the "Charlie bit my finger" bit with his 246 million views on Friday afternoon.

Wait, wait, wait! You mean to tell me that more people have watched this little shit dance around a bowling alley than have watched "Two Girls, One Cup"!?! Huh! Crazy world!

The 16-year-old star thanked his "Beliebers" on Twitter. "What is goin on with the 'Baby' video on YouTube is crazy ... I started on YouTube so the support ... well I just need to say, thank u."

Beliebers? They call themselves Beliebers? Really? Uuuuugh!

"Baby, Baby, Baby, Ooooooh!" Congratulations, Biebs! Fame is fleeting. Enjoy it now! I fear that puberty is going to hit you harder than Chris Brown hit Rhianna. Sure, your singing career will stall a bit, but you'll be able to masturbate like 6 hours a day! Trust me, it's a fair trade.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am happy to post for you the most watched video on YouTube...

Justin Bieber: Ambassador of Peace?

Fans of a site called Faxo.com want to send Justin Bieber to North Korea!

Faxo webmasters created a fake contest in which guests could choose which country Justin Bieber visits next on his "My World" Tour; and the country chosen was overwhelmingly North Korea!

Haha! Considering citizens of the communist nation are strictly denied internet access, one can safely determine that it was Americans who were so anxious to get rid of our little Biebs. Haha!

However, Bieber is not booking his flight on Expedia just yet. A spokesperson for Bieber replied to inquiries by saying, "It was a spoof site. This is not a legitimate contest." Justin Bieber upon hearing the news also replied by saying, "Baby, baby, baby, oooooh."

But what if it were true? If anyone could charm the pants off of Kim Jong-il, it's the Biebs! He could be the first successful Ambassador of Peace between the U.S. and North Korea. C'mon, that "Somebody to Love" song is awfully catchy! And if anything is going to inspire world peace...

Can't you just imagine it? After the Bieber Fever takes effect, a bunch of little Koreans with their hair brushed forward singing, "Somebody to Ruv." World peace, I tell you, world peace!

And if he won't go, I say we get one of those look-alike lesbians from lesbianswholooklikeJustinBieber.com! Those squinty-eyed Commies will never know the difference.