Have Mercy! Uncle Jesse Takes the Stand Today!

To hell with the Lohan hearing! This is by far the juiciest thing going down in the celebrity penal system right now… Tee hee… penal system…

Allison Coss and boyfriend, Scott Sippola are accused of trying to bilk Stamos out of $680,000 in exchange for alleged photos… photos of Uncle Jesse, 2 strippers and a bag of coke. Have mercy!

The “Full House” star testified today that he met Coss in Orlando in 2004 soon after his separation from supermodel, Rebecca Romijn. He says that they met at Pleasure Island, a club in which patrons had to be at least 18 to enter. Coss told him she was on her college spring break. They hung out and went back to his room for a few hours with other people, where the actor insists nothing inappropriate took place. In fact, he describes Coss as someone who was simply “among several people who came back to [his] hotel room” that night.

Coss tells a different version of the events. She claims that she and Stamos had a romantic fling and that he was fully aware that she was only 17 at the time. She says that she and Stamos were kissing on the bed when he stripped her down to her underwear and offered to perform oral sex on her. She declined.

You stupid bitch! When Uncle Jesse offers to eat out your poon, you don’t say, “No,”!!! You idiot! I hope they put you away for a 100 years.

She claims she ended up staying the night. Then, the two continued to exchange flirty e-mails for a few years afterward until John began receiving e-mails from anonymous sources asking for money in exchange for incriminating photos.

Anyway, the story gets really long and complicated and quite frankly, really fucking stupid at this point. It basically comes down to Coss and her boyfriend, Scott Sippola, attempting to extort $680,000 from Stamos in exchange for an alleged photo of him bending over a table of cocaine with 2 strippers in the background. Stamos claims that no such picture exists; Coss says that it was taken that fateful night. When the FBI search the home of Coss and Sippola, no such photos were found.

The two were apprehended by the FBI at the K.I. Sawyer International Airport in Michigan, where Stamos had been instructed to drop-off a large amount of cash.

Blackmailing Uncle Jesse!?! How rude!!!

I just have to say that I love everything about this trial! We have a stupid slut, a lecherous boyfriend, a coked-out TV star, strippers, an undercover sting… No one is going to come out of this trial looking good, and I love it!!!