Thank you for being a friend, Estelle Getty!

Ok, so if you're not a "Golden Girls" fan, you should probably not bother to read the blog today... You should probably also throw yourself off a cliff into a bubbling volcano!!! Not like "The Golden Girls"!?! C'mon! Everyone loves "The Golden Girls"!!!

Today would have been Estelle Getty's 87th birthday. She unfortunately died on July 22nd 2008, just 3 days shy of her 85th birthday, making her the first of "The Golden Girls" to pass.

For you historians out there, two years ago today in memoriam of Estelle Lifetime ran an 8-hour marathon on what would have been her 85th birthday. Fans voted online for their favorite "Sophia" episodes. "Old Friends," the episode in which Sophia befriends an elderly man on the boardwalk with Alzheimer's, came out as the fan favorite. Sort of ironic, isn't it? She actually passed away from Lewy body dementia, but had been misdiagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's for years.



Most of us can quote the wisecracks of Sophia Petrillo in our sleep. But in honor of her birthday, I thought I'd share some other cool facts about Estelle Getty... There are many...

1.) Being a childhood fan of vaudeville, Estelle Getty began as a stand-up comedienne on the Catskills "borscht belt" circuit in upstate New York in the 40s. However, at the time, it was virtually unheard of for a woman to be a stand-up, so she gave it up to become a secretary and part-time actress. Although she wasn't exactly successful at it, she was one of the first female stand-ups ever.


2.) After World War II, she gave up professional acting in order to marry New York businessman, Arthur Gettleman (thus giving her the stage name, Getty... her maiden name is actually Scher), and raised 2 boys, Carl and Barry. She continued to work as a secretary and occasionally performed in community productions.

3.) She befriended playwright and actor, Harvey Fierstein, who wrote the part of the mother in "Torch Song Trilogy" specifically for Estelle. After her children were grown, she took on the role and won The Helen Hayes Award in 1982 for her performance.

4.) While performing in "Torch Song" on Broadway, she constantly feared that the show would close and she'd never find work again. So, she continued spending her days as a secretary right up until the show went out on tour.

5.) Estelle auditioned for the part of Sophia Petrillo while on tour in L.A. with "Torch Song Trilogy" and became the first of "The Golden Girls" to be cast.

6.) Sophia had originally been written in one episode; however, producers liked her so much that they almost immediately re-designed the cast in order to make room for her. In other words, they replaced Coco, the gay chef, with Sophia believing that the show only had room for one wise-ass.

7.) Estelle was 14 months younger than her TV daughter, Bea Arthur. She was often mistakenly referred to as the youngest Golden Girl, but the youngest was actually Rue McClanahan.

8.) Estelle won the 1988 Emmy Award for Outstanding Supporting Actress.


9.) After family and friends could no longer care for him, Estelle took in her 29-year-old nephew, Steven Scher, who was dying from AIDS and cared for him until his death in 1992, the same year "The Golden Girls" went off the air.

10.) After winning both an Emmy and a Golden Globe for "The Golden Girls," Estelle won a Worst Supporting Actress Razzie Award for Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!, a film in which she played Sylvester Stallone's mother, in 1993.

And yes, that is a hand-signed photo; and yes, it is mine.

I, also, own this hat that she wore on "The Golden Girls"...

I wore it around the house the day she died.

11.) Estelle played Sophia Petrillo on 5 different sitcoms, "The Golden Girls, Empty Nest, Nurses, Blossom and The Golden Palace."

12.) Estelle only stood 4'10 1/2" inches tall!

Ok, now let's enjoy some classic Estelle clips...




















R.I.P., My Golden Friend. And Happy Birthday.

Jennifer Anniston Finally Found Someone Who Is Willing To Marry Her!!!

After being tipped-off by a very concerned father, Police arrested a 24-year-old, Joseph Peyton, while stalking around Jennifer Anniston's Hollywood Hills home last week.

The man traveled from Pennsylvania to California in attempts to kidnap and marry Jennifer Anniston. He was found in his car with sharp objects, duct tape, a love note to Anniston and a list of baby names. His car had "I love you, Jennifer Anniston" keyed into the trunk and side of it. Stealth, Joseph... very stealth!

Joseph has been institutionalized for similar behavior in the past and recently stopped taking his medication.

According to his blog, he believes that he is related to Oprah, Jay-Z, J-Lo, Bill Gates, Courtney Cox and Donald Trump. Donald Trump!?! He wants to be related to Donald Trump!?! He's a fuckin' nut!

Jennifer Anniston got a restraining order that prevents Peyton from coming within 100 yards of her, her home, her place of business and her managers.

What!?! Jenn, Jenn, Jenn... You finally found one that is willing to marry you, and you get a restraining order!?! He even picked out baby names!!! You're no spring chicken anymore, lady! You've got to seize these opportunities before your cow runs out of milk. (I don't know. I've never really understood that expression either.) This upcoming generation has no idea who Rachel Green even is!

After all, he can't be any worse than John Mayer!!!

A Little Blasphemy? Sure! But Even I Won't Fuck With The "Star Wars" Enthusiasts!

It's Day 2 of Comic-Con in San Diego! In other words, San Diego has more virgins within its borders than the entire state of Utah right now. But members of The Westboro Baptist Church still feel a need to protest the annual SciFi gathering.

Fred Phelps and his clan of fag-haters showed up at the convention yesterday yielding signs that read, "God Hates You!... God Hates Fags!... God Hates Idol Worship!"... yadda, yadda, yadda. However, they were met by Trekkies, Wookies, Droids, Superheroes, Stormtroopers carrying signs that read, "Comic-Con is Love!... God Hates Trekkies... Fags Are Sexy!" The Syfy enthusiasts were also chanting, "What do we want? Gay sex! When do we want it? Now!"

Ahahahahaha! A counter-protest by Stormtroopers and Superheroes? Now, that's freakin' hysterical!

I've said this repeatedly. I will talk shit about a lot of people... Jews, Mormons, midgets, queers, Republicans, Scientologists... but even I won't fuck with the "Star Wars" enthusiasts! Those people are committed!

In case anyone would like to personally chat with Mr. Phelps or any of his followers, here are a few numbers...

(785) 273-0325 – Fred W. Phelps Sr., cell phone
(785) 272-4135 – Fred Phelps, Jr.
(785) 273-0529 – Benjamin Phelps
(785) 273-0277 & (785) 273-1080 – Shirley Roper
(785) 272-8559 – Charles Hockenbarger
(785) 232-2485 – Fax for Charles Hockenbarger
(785) 233-4162 – Phelps Family Law Office
(785) 233-0766 – Fax for Phelps Family Law Office
(785) 969-9017 – Steve Drain

I believe a few of them are out of service. But they are legit, and most of them are still in service.

Somebody please call Fred Phelps and ask for "Amanda... Amanda Hugginkiss." Ahahahahaha! You can never go wrong with the classics.

Democrats Say The Darndest Things! And Republicans Don't Laugh!

Kathy Griffin says she is "in heaven" this week. She's been featured on every news network, called scum on "The View," vilified on FOX; and last night, she dropped by "The Joy Behar Show" to gloat about it all.

On last week's episode of "My Life on the D-List," Kathy went to Washington to lead a protest against the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. I don't know how much good it did. C'mon. How many law makers are actually influenced by "My Life on the D-List"? But it certainly made for a great episode, and it even stirred up a bit of publicity for our favorite fag hag comedienne.

While being prepped for her tour of Washington, Kathy made a joke about Senator Scott Brown... well, actually Scott Brown's daughters. She jokingly called them prostitutes. Here, take a look...



Obviously, a joke, right!?!

Well, Scott Brown and various Republican pundits were outraged. Really!?! Over that? Has it really come this? Republicans just have absolutely no sense of humor!?!

The day after the episode aired, the ladies on "The View" had a few things to say about the incident, especially Elisabeth Hasselbeck...



Do you remember when Whoopi Goldberg was likeable and funny? Elisabeth Hasselbeck has always been a rancid bitch... Seriously, she's never been funny or likeable in any possible way. Cancer take her now!... But "The View" is so fucking annoying that it's even made me hate Sister Mary Clarence!

Also, did anyone else notice that the disclaimer was missing from the clip shown on "The View"? The disclaimer was also missing when the clip was shown on "Bill O'Reilly" as well. Interesting.

But Kathy is taking it all in stride... Ok, she's actually reveling in it!

"Yes, whenever a statement is issued against me, I'm in heaven, I feel my next special is half written for me, and then I get to read statements aloud in my live shows, which you can go to KathyGriffin.net and see the many, many cities I've picked up for my current tour."

Here's a bit of the transcript from "The Joy Behar Show" last night...

JOY BEHAR: Now, you got in some trouble for your own, on your own-

KATHY GRIFFIN: I love it. Yes.

BEHAR: -over something you said on a recent episode of My Life on the D List.

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BEHAR: Okay, now whose idea was the disclaimer?

GRIFFIN: Gee, I wonder, Bravo Legal?

BEHAR: But that was you. Wasn’t that your voice?

GRIFFIN: Well, I loved doing the voice over. The voice over is hysterical, in my opinion, and Emmy-worthy. Look, here’s the deal. The genesis of the joke, like, does anybody remember that the night he was elected, he made a joke – he was clearly making a joke – saying, "By the way, my daughters are available." And then, the Washington press beat up on him saying he was pimping out his daughters. So, on My Life on the D List, we actually had some real, you know, Washington insiders showing me, like, 15 pictures of people on the Hill, et cetera, and my joke was I didn’t know who they were. So they showed me a picture of Sonia Sotomayor, and I say, "Oh, the maid from Will and Grace." There’s the joke. Then they show me Scott Brown, and I go, "His daughters are prostitutes," meaning, like, word association. So people got their panties in a bunch-

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I thought it was funny. I actually thought calling Sonia Sotomayor "the maid from will & Grace" was brilliant! Ahahahaha!

I don't see what everyone is getting so worked up about. Perhaps, one should develop a thicker skin before entering politics... or perhaps, a sense of humor.

After all, it was only short time ago when the same outraged media personalities were attacking Scott Brown for his pictorial from Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Anyone remember this?



I laughed.

I really think Elisabeth's comments were fueled by a verbal confrontation that she and Kathy had earlier this summer on "The View."



Kathy has been making the rounds on talk shows discussing what is being referred to as "The Kathy/Elisabeth Smack-Down."

I can't lie. I still watch it AT LEAST once a day.

I'm glad that this incident is working in Kathy's favor. It's been a great season of "D-List." And I'm sure she's gathering enough controversy for a second book.

Hustler's Untrue Hollywood Stories' Next Installment!!!

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Harry Potter Drinks The Goblet of Fire!

You know, somehow it warms the cockles of my cold, little heart to know that childhood idol, Harry Potter, is somewhere in the world getting absolutely shit-canned right now!

Guess who turned 21 today!?! That's right... it's wand wielding sorcerer, Daniel Radcliffe! Happy Birthday, Harry!

Please, please, please... Someone... Anyone... Please, take a Sharpie and draw a lightning bolt on his forehead after he passes out!

And maybe, if there's time, write "Ron Weasley's penis wuz here!" on his cheek. Fucking Classic!

Glenn Beck Whacks Off Too Much!

My mother always told me, "You'll go blind from doing that too much!" So, naturally I put away my penis and continued with the Sunday School lesson.

Glenn Beck obviously did not follow suit.

On Saturday, he confessed to 6,000 of his fans during his American Revival Tour that he very well may be blind by the end of the year. He has been diagnosed with macular dystrophy, a rare genetic condition, which causes vision loss and tends to get worse with time.

Is Karma spelled with a "K" or a "C"? I may need it for my next paragraph.

During his announcement, Beck's deteriorating eyes welled with tears and his voice quivered as he said, "Lord if you need my eyes, they're yours!" I literally spit orange juice on my computer screen when I read this! Don't judge me! I never claimed to be a good person!

Ooooh, this macular dystrophy sounds expensive! Wonder how the fucker feels about health care reform now? And do they make blind accessible chalkboards?

Hey, Beck, try to cut back on jerking your pole to that fitness magazine featuring Sarah Palin in her scivvies, and your retinas might hold out a few more years. Just some friendly advice from a godless, liberal lunatic!

It appears that the universe is settling some scores. Now, I expect to hear that Rush Limbaugh is crippled from a combination of ringworm and lupus over the next few days.