Just When I Thought Today Was Going To Be Boring!

What the hell are you doing just sitting at home!?! You can watch that episode of "Golden Girls" any ol' time! I'll even tell you how it ends... Sophia calls Blanche a slut, and Dorothy calls Rose a moron. Then, there's cheesecake! Now, with that out the way... It's time to act!!! It's time to take to the streets and demonstrate about something that really matters!

There is a "Free Lindsay" rally happening right now on 7th Avenue in New York City! Right now!!! Gas up the SUV!!! Or SVU!... I always get the two confused.

Guess they had to squeeze one in, you know, since she's going to be out in 3 to 4 days.

And get this! It's being orchestrated by her tanning salon! Her tanning salon! Yes, James Oliver of The Beach Bum Tanning Salon is protesting the incarceration of our darling, little Lilo. He's very concerned that she will lose her base while behind bars.

OMG! Please, please, please, let there be a press conference! If there's anyone that can eloquently articulate matters of great injustice, it's lispy, orange faggots and slutty sorority girls who smell like frying bacon. Melanoma makes one nothing if not smart!

Seriously, one televised interview with this guy, and I'll have enough material for an entire week's worth of posts!

Hurry! The first 25 people carrying a "Free Lindsay" sign gets a free butterfly tanning sticker!!!

Wouldn't This Technically Be Considered A Hate-Crime?

Uh oh, violence has made its way into Camp Jolie-Pitt. Perhaps, Angelina should consider doing a romantic comedy next time.

My Prayers Have Been Answered!!!

YES!!! There's hope for that sequel to Sydney White yet!!! Or... oh, I need to take a moment... SHE'S THE MAN PART FREAKIN' 2!!!!

Dawson's Creek Fanfiction!?! Well, It's About Freakin' Time!!!

Batman and a Stormtrooper reported a small gathering on the lawn outside of Comic-Con this year. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Dawson's Creek's Joshua Jackson!

Joshua Jackson, obviously bored talking about that stupid show "Fringe," took to the front lawn of Comic-Con to kick-off the first annual gathering of Pacey-Con!

Mr. Jackson kicked off 2010's Pacey-Con by playing Paula Cole's "I don't wanna wait..." from a boom box while selling volumes of Dawson's Creek fanfiction written by... wait for it... Joshua Jackson, himself.

FINALLY!!! Some Dawson's Creek fanfiction!!! It's like Ghostbusters 3. You hear rumors that it's coming, but you just don't know!

He even read excerpts over a megaphone!

Oh, Pacey, it's so nice to have you back! No one cares about your new little X-files knock-off! We want the days of The Creek back!... back when things were sweet and innocent and Katie Holmes wasn't being held against her will by the Church of Scientology. Oh the days, the days...

Thanks, Pacey. I'll be looking forward to The Skulls-Con next year.

OMG! This Just In... There Were Attractive People At Comic-Con This Year!!!

This is Garrett Hedlund. He was there promoting his upcoming film, Tron: Legacy.

It's about light-up bicycles or something... I'm not really sure... But by the looks of things, I'll definitely be seeing it.

Does The Carpeting Match The Greasy, Nasty Drapes!?!

I'm sure you've all seen the photos of Britney's bad hair day from last week.

Doesn't it make you wonder what her pubes look like? Seriously! With that rats' nest like that on top of her head, you just know she ain't minding the upkeep on her vajayjay! Just sayin'...

This post is brought to you by hair products for dirty people...


Is anyone else impressed by the fact that she's actually wearing a bra in these photos? Baby steps, Britney, baby steps.

The Other Inmates Just Can't Stop Talking About Lilo's Crotch!

You know, I got up this morning and turned it to CNN. I heard all about the captured sailor in Afghanistan and the resigning CEO of BP... both very important current events... but my mind kept wandering to, "I wonder how my little Lilo's doing this morning."

Well... I've never been one to gossip... but...

It seems that little Lilo has had a rough few days. The other inmates kept yelling, "Firecrotch!" over and over and over again until Lindsay had what sources can only describe as a minor breakdown. She apparently had a hysterical fit, crying and yelling until she was eventually put in isolation. I guess the tantrum was so bad that a medical examiner was called in to examine self-inflicted scratches all up and down her arms.

All this because they you called "Firecrotch"!?! Shiiiiiiit... I was called worse than that on my way home from work this morning. Let's see. I was called "asshole, jack-off, dickhead, shit-for-brains, a fucking lunatic"... You know, maybe my driver's ed teacher was right. Maybe, I should look before changing lanes. Oh, well...

Oh, Lindsay, hang in there. You only have a few more days. Just keep in mind those poignant lessons you learned from the filming of "Mean Girls." Come the end of the week, you'll never have to face that cell block of Regina Georges ever again!